Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Do Not Gang Up On Me

I want to tell you a story, but first let me start with this:

Star Fox 64 was hella awesome. Everything about the game is what made the N64 epic.

The multi-player mode I was not so fond of. See, I had these two best friends. One was my brother and the other one was his best friend. Which ultimately meant in video games: destroy the girl first. Star Fox 64 multi-player mode was no exception. They would grab the bombs and blow me up first. And they reveled in killing me (as a team) to watch me cry. They especially loved killing Peppy because he was my favourite person. Sometimes they wouldn't let me play and they would purposely kill Peppy to watch me cry.

Moving on. I had this awesome controller. It was a white/gray see-thru N64 controller that was my absolute favourite. Lemme show you:



That center control stick tore flesh off my palm in Mario Party, but I still loved it.

Awesome, no? But better than that: it had a Boba Fett sticker right on the middle handle. YES, it did. This was before I had that dream that George Lucas made those horrible prequels that gave Boba Fett a shitty back story. Boba Fett was awesome before you knew he was awesome. (I cried as a child when he died in Return of the Jedi, but rejoiced when I read Tales of the Bounty Hunters. Oh, if I were Leia, I would have totally-... er, that's... nevermind.) Anyway, at least those prequels were just nightmares.


Phew, that was a close one, dream world tiny Boba.


So I had the see-thru controller, with an awesome Boba Fett sticker. Imagine it looked like this:




Okay, I never said I was good at Photoshop, did I?

So, let's return back to my childhood. It's Friday: the day we were finally allowed to play video games after a long week at school. Best friend comes over and we all decide to play multiplayer Star Fox. Again, the ganging up begins. After an hour of being tormented and destroyed and watching Peppy die a horrible burning death, I had had enough. I slammed the controller onto the floor and shattered it. SHATTERED it. Like it was an old timey bank window in the wild west and I was a bank robber with a brick. (Just go with me on this, okay?)

I destroyed my own controller. But after explaining to (okay, crying to my parents), they made my brother buy me a new one. Bwa ha ha.

Is the lesson: Kris should learn to control her temper? or:
Do not gang up on Kris?
Exactly.